Siblings

I’ve been sitting here thinking about what I am going to write this time. So much has happened. So much is happening. So much WILL happen but what is really interesting is the fact my mind wondering to a place that I often thought about growing up. Never as an adult. What caused my mind to wonder to this place after so much time has passed, you say? Probably what I have been watching on tv and on social media is about siblings, legacies and the family name.

I’m an only child. I don’t have siblings, so why would my mind be wondering to that place? Growing up I have always wanted a sibling. I would beg mom and dad to provide one for me because I did not want to be alone. As, I got older and I have watched how much siblings fight and how torturous they can be. Swaying me that I do NOT want siblings. I liked being by myself. Having someone who truly knew me, my actions and their meaning was something I did not want. That is what I focused on. Being in my own world and, in a way, hiding.

I’m not much for noise. In fact, I like quiet. A lot of times siblings come with noise. Loud and a lot of noise. I accepted the fact that I won’t get a sibling and preferred it that way. I’ve never wondered what it would be like to have siblings. I’ve always had friends that are like family but no biological siblings.

As I am watching some shows and watching my friends with their siblings, it has my mind wondering on what it would have been like to have a younger sibling or even an older sibling. Would they be protective of me? What would our relationship be like? Would we get along or would we fight and hardly speak to each other? The questions are endless. I know I would be very protective of my “sibling(s)”. I’m already very protective of my family and my friends.

With my mind in that place it makes me wonder how different my life would have been. Would I have gone through what I did? Would I have had the trauma of what happened? Would I go through depression and get anxiety? Would I be different today if I had siblings? What lessons would I have learned? All of these questions keep going through my mind. Would my life be different? Would I want it to be?

In my mind, if I had a sibling who was protective and loving. I find myself imagining the trauma would have never happened. The depression, anxiety and fear would have never happened. I wouldn’t have been so lonely. I would have been happier and in a better place and farther in life.

Although, yes, my life would have been different, and I may not have gone through what I did. I would have been a totally different person than who I am now. I am proud of who I am. If I didn’t go through what I did and go through it alone. I wouldn’t have learned so much about who I am and what I am capable of. I wouldn’t have learned important lessons. Even though I’m not as far in life as I would like to be, I am in a good place in my life where I am proud of who I am and even prouder of how I came to be.

Life comes in all shapes and sizes. People enter and leave your life for a reason. People don’t exist in your life for a reason. For me, not having siblings was for a reason. It also taught me to value my friends more and accept them as my nonbiological siblings and my family. As I look back on my life I wonder if the reason was to teach me these lessons to strengthen me for a greater purpose. I’m not sure what that is but all I know is I’m stronger than I was, and I keep moving forward. Maybe one day it will be revealed what my purpose is but for now I move forward and keep on living.

No matter what life throws at you. Remember to always be yourself and look at the bigger picture. There is always a reason and a purpose of what is happening. You may not see it at times, but, trust me, the bigger picture is much better than what you see now.

YOU BE YOU.