Mind Goblins

I know I haven’t written in a while. Life has been happening. What do I mean by “life has been happening”? I mean I have been going through a lot lately. My depression and anxiety have been really challenging this year. My mind goblins…yes, I said mind goblins…has been telling me all of these lies and keeping me up at night. For instance, I have been quite vulnerable this year, more than usual. From Grandpa’s death and dealing with it all on my own. Where the whole family has someone to go through mourning and healing with (i.e., significant others and siblings) and I don’t. So, I am being alone in my vulnerability and healing. With no one around.

Then we move on to how a so-called friend ghosted me almost a year ago and his sister invited me to her son’s graduation party, and I go. I was really debating whether or not to go because I knew he would be there, but I had to think; ‘I’m not going for HIM I’m going for his nephew, whom I have seen grow up since he was 6 years old’. I went to support him and his accomplishments. I tried talking to my “friend”, but he was very dismissive and rude. I was hurt when he quit talking to me and since then my mind goblins kept saying things that it was my fault and it’s because of me and he wants nothing to do with me anymore. The mind goblins told me all of this stuff to fuel my anxiety and depression. Since then, I have been spiraling in a depressive state.

Now, let’s move on to what else fuels my anxiety and depression. My family is difficult to deal with at times. Don’t get me wrong I love my family no matter the drama or how they cause me to feel but there are times where I can’t open up to what is going inside my head because they do not understand. If I do talk about what is going on in my head and with me in general, they think I’m playing “games” when I reality I am trying to express my feelings and no sure how to express them. It is very hard for me to open up to people, specifically with family and friends because they do not understand or try to understand. We end up arguing or me being ignored. I’ve come to the realization that just sticking to talking to my therapist is the only way to get things out and express my feelings. When we have these arguments my anxiety spikes and things that they say hurt me more than they think and causes my mental health to deplete and keep on spiraling. I have discovered keeping quiet, may be unhealthy, but it’s safe. You know how I mentioned before how I am left by myself healing? Same thing with my mental health. It’s safer for my mental health to talk about my issues in a safe place with just my therapist. I know, it's sad but that the reality in my world. Putting a smile on my face and acting like everything is ok because it’s the only thing I can do to not talk about what the mind goblins says.

Do you have mind goblins? I tell people that the mind goblins are all lies. It’s the anxiety that is giving fuel to your depression to make your mental health ignite on fire. The trick is to keep those mind goblins at bay. It’s more difficult to do than it sounds but not impossible. However, with training with a therapist /professional and help from loved ones they can help you transform your mind goblins to mind fairies. Mind fairies are the positive energies that feeds your soul and feeds your mind with nutrition and to shine bright. Whereas the mind goblin does the opposite. There will be times where the mind goblins sneak in and plants those lies but you have the ability to transform the mind goblin into a mind fairy when that does happen. I will take time and effort on your part and definitely won’t happen overnight, but it is worth it when you learn what to do.

You may ask yourself. ‘Can I do this? Am I strong enough?’ YES. YOU. CAN!

YES. YOU. ARE! You can do anything if you put your mind to it. All you must do is…YOU BE YOU!