Fear: The Worst Roommate Ever!

Ever just sit out on your porch and just think? When it’s nice of course. Well today is that day for me. Listening to the trees as It blows in the light wind, I’m sure they call that a breeze. Watching your neighbors move into their new place as you listen to the bird’s chirp and your cat yelling at you through the screen door. Or is that just my cat?

Well, anyway…many things are going through my head. With many, I’m not saying all, but many people have a mind that is like an organized office. You have the file folders that are labeled with what the contents are and put in the file cabinet labeled the category of which the files entail. Not my head. My head is more like a house that has toddlers, preteens and teenagers living in it. You know what I mean? Random stuff scattered all over in chaos and people screaming at each other. No, I’m not saying I have voices in my head. Well, kind of, I guess. But not in a weird way. The voices in my head usually tell me that I’m not good enough, that I shouldn’t even try, or that no one would miss me. You know those negative thoughts that depression always seems to tell you. Anxiety seems to scatter those thoughts even more. Getting anxious because it’s a mess but don’t know where to start to clean it up. And then depression comes in saying that you can’t do it that It’s always going to be a mess and you can’t fix it. Which causes even more anxiety. Then depression comes in AGAIN claiming to be exhausted and I should just sleep. Both depression and anxiety battle on a daily basis in my head. Which is why I am always so exhausted by the end of the day. On top of that I have all the other stuff I think about. When I’m at work I’m think about work stuff and I think about the past, present and future. So, no matter what, my mind is always running full speed. Even though I want to sleep, I can’t. I think too much.

Being social is difficult for me. Sure, I have friends that I hang out with. But a large group of people is called a no thank you. I used to be a social butterfly where I would hang out in large groups or just hang out with people all the time. I would be the one to be talking and opening up to people and just have a great time. I was always so bubbly, cheerful and smiling. That all changed as I got older. The older I get and the more experiences I have the more I shy away from people and the more I don’t open up or talk a lot like I use to. I smile, but not as much as I use to. I guess I don’t smile as much because I’m still searching for myself. I’m still searching for more in life. I want more, and I know I have to work for it and go after what I want. I need to figure out what first.

Fear is a big part of my life. Strange right? As I have discovered, fear is what is holding me back from my real potential. I’m a smart woman. I can do anything I set my mind to. The only thing is I have this fear of succeeding. This fear of the unknown. If I knew what was going to happen before it happens then maybe I wouldn’t have to waste my time, energy and get hurt. If I knew what was going to happen a head of time, then maybe I would take more risks in life. Then maybe I wouldn’t have this fear of getting hurt over and over again. That seems to be a pattern with me. I keep getting hurt.

The cool thing is I am working through my fears. The biggest fear I’ve been working on overcoming is standing up for myself. IT’s always been hard to do that for me. But now, I feel stronger. I feel empowered. I feel like I FINALLY have a voice. And when you feel you have a voice you have this feeling you can do anything. You feel invincible. You’re not. It’s not like you can stop a speeding bullet or something. Well, you can…once. Point is, when you concur your fears you feel you can do anything. You feel better about yourself. You feel relieved. When you concur your fears, even if it’s little fears and just take one step at a time, you learn to love yourself again. You learn to smile. You learn to be your true self that you were MEANT to be.

I challenge you to concur at LEAST one fear this week. Doesn’t have to be major. But something small. Get out of your comfort zone a little. Take baby steps. Get inspired to be the BEST you that you can be. It takes many many tries and errors for inventors to make something remarkable. You learn by trial and error. The hard part is getting back up to keep trying and to never give up. If you’re afraid of failing, how are you supposed to learn? How are you supposed to learn what works and what doesn’t? are you really giving yourself a chance to succeed if you are afraid to even try? You don’t have to be the best at everything that you do. No one is perfect. BUT you CAN be the best YOU. Fear not, I got your back! You have my support! Go out and be the BEST that you can be. YOU BE YOU!